Posts Tagged ‘Racism’

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Cartoon Hell #31 – “The Snow Man”

January 7, 2010

 Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome. 

Warning, there is no snowman resembling this one in the short.

Snowmen sucked where I grew up. Seattle weather didn’t lend itself to thick, rollable snow. If it fell at all, it carried too much moisture to make a snow man that didn’t look like a slouched, misshapen derelict. The snowmen of my childhood looked like they’d sooner stab you than give a proper smile. As bad as this cartoon is, it reflects those awful snowmen surprisingly well.

 The Snow Man starts off with an Inuit sending his seal off to it’s own little seal-house igloo. Considering what Inuit usually do to seals, this seems a bit dishonest. The seal complains until the man hands it a hot water bottle, which would only satisfy someone who’s never tried that. 

How hard would you have to turn a gear with that kind of timing?

Back inside his igloo, which looks suspiciously like a normal lodge created by someone with no interest in finding reference material, the man says prayers to his heathen gods, and then sets his clock to wake him up in six months. Apparently them Eskimos hibernate like bears.

 We watch the hands pass through the months with an urgent voice whispering “tick tock” in a way that felt too intimate for the setting. The scene doesn’t change to skeleton in a parka as I would have expected. At this point I wish I could travel back in time and tell the animators, “You realize Eskimos aren’t bears, right? Even the fattest one couldn’t sleep through the winter.” 

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Cartoon Hell #28 – “Uncle Tom and Little Eva”

December 24, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Don't let the animals fool you, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Don't let the animals fool you, it's exactly what it sounds like.

The first feeling I got when I looked at this title was utter dread. It has “Uncle Tom” in the title, and as previous entries have shown, this Mill Creek collection isn’t shy about throwing in some blatantly racist cartoons. Seeing a title surrounded by friendly animals gave me some hope that they were referencing an entirely different sort of uncle.

 It begins on a steamboat, which of course moves to the music. A perilously familiar looking mouse is playing a series of wiener dogs like a musical instrument. I was going to include that innocuous image, but it was immediately replaced by this: 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the "good old days" of cartooning.

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Cartoon Hell #18 – “Plane Dumb”

March 18, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Oh good, hijinks of some sort.

Oh good, hijinks of some sort.

I knew sooner or later I’d have to revisit good old Tom and Jerry, and by that I mean the two ragamuffins from the crappy line of 30’s cartoons, not the lovable cat and mouse team that won Oscars in their heyday. So knowing that there’s about 5 or 6 of the damn things, I picked the one with the wackiest title assuming it’d be another few minutes of buildings and other objects dancing to mediocre brass-heavy music.

Egg-shaped planes once dominated the skies of Europe.

Egg-shaped planes once dominated the skies of Europe.

We join our heroes flying a two seater plane, a perfectly conventional scenario in which two mischief-making fellows can surely run amok. Nope, nothing breaking out of the mold so far. Tom says, “When we fly this plane to Africa, we’ll be heroes!” Well, that’s kind of weird, but oh well.
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Cartoon Hell #14 – “The Lost Dream”

February 11, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Mine was to be a dinosaur hunter!

Mine was to be a dinosaur hunter!

“The Lost Dream” begins with a theme song about a little orphaned cyst. I don’t trust this interpretation, because as we’ve established, the music fidelity on this DVD set is akin to playing your stereo speaker in bathwater. The song is supposed to be about Little Audrey, who is an orphan. Not to be confused with that other orphan, whose name people remember.

Mammy SMASH!

Mammy SMASH!

Not one minute into the run time, I yell, “Gadzooks, a mammy! Complete with terrible racist accent.” I assume it’s a nanny, or a maid, or someone with the authority to tell Audrey to go to sleep. Audrey responding with “yessum” is kinda weird, and I can’t quite determine if it’s mocking or not. The mammy, named Petunia,  says something about reading by moonlight giving you strange dreams, which I’d never before heard of.

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Cartoon Hell #12 – “Short’nin’ Bread”

January 23, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Deeeeeeeelicious!

Deeeeeeeelicious!

Continuing the food theme, today’s film is “Short’nin’ [sic] Bread”, a case in point that if you’re using an apostrophe and it’s neither a possessive or a contraction, you’re probably being an asshole. For the sake of full disclosure before we even go into this, I must admit to being a Caucasian male raised by other caucasians. I also must admit to hating dialect writing in all forms. Whew, okay, I feel better now.

To prepare for the grueling task ahead, I did some research on what this mysterious short’nin’ [sic] bread consists of. It really changed my preconceptions about the classic song. I would have imagined short’nin’ [sic] bread would be a loaf of Crisco shortening baked golden brown, but no, the recipe is best summed up like so:

Flour + Brown Sugar + Butter + Heat = SHORT’NIN’ [sic] BREAD!!!!

I gather it’s essentially what you make when you lack the ingredients for food someone might actually want.

Hey, a jokey sign, like in a strip mall.

Hey, a jokey sign, like in a strip mall.

The exterior of Ye Bake Shoppe has the slogan, “MORE DOUGH FOR YOUR MONEY”, and I automatically know what slippery slope we’re headed down. This is going to be another cartoon about anthropomorphic food acting out stupid puns. I just did one of these, damn it.

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