Posts Tagged ‘Paramount’

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Cartoon Hell #35 – “Private Eye Popeye”

January 25, 2010

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Sounds like an affliction the elderly would get.

You can only make so many Popeye cartoons where he loses Olive Oyl to Bluto, then beats Bluto into a coma. Sometimes changing the setting isn’t enough. Eventually they had to give him actual occupations beyond being a sailor who did no actual sailing.

 Why, in the mid-fifties, with hard-boiled fiction and movies at a high rate of popularity, did they decide to dress up Popeye as Sherlock Holmes for his detective outing? Did they not think people would realize he was a detective if he simply wore a Sam Spade costume? It speaks to the general cluelessness of the Fleischers as a whole. 

I guess with a squint that prominent a magnifying glass might be useful.

Popeye receives a scream via phone, and traces the call by following the wire using a magnifying glass, because this cartoon is intent on using the laziest visual shorthand for everything. 

He follows telephone line to a fabulous home, one suspiciously similar to the nice home in every Fleischer cartoon, finding the door left ajar. He of course enters. At this point I’m completely unsold on the whole premise. Why is a man trained as a sailor doing any of this? An alternate theory comes to mind, if you’ll indulge me for a moment.

 Maybe Popeye is a infant with progeria acting out his fantasies? All this behavior would make perfect sense if done by a five year old. Of course a little kid would think detectives still dress like Sherlock Holmes. He’d also think a magnifying glass was the most important tool for a private investigator, and that the hat is a requirement. 

Sadly, this theory doesn’t change what Popeye actually is. Once he goes through the door, a crazed Olive Oyl opens fire with a Tommy Gun, creating a Popeye-shaped outline of bullets. This is one of those gags where I stop for a moment and ask, “Was this ever funny?” Maybe it’s like that chicken crossing the road gag, where it’s never evoked laughter, but always comes so easily that hacks can’t resist. 
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Cartoon Hell #25 – “The Crystal Brawl”

June 22, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

It's not nice to punch gypsies.

It's not nice to punch gypsies.

So far I’ve managed to avoid any Popeye cartoon that fit the classical mold, wherein Popeye and Olive decide to do an activity, Bluto woos Olive Oil away, then attempts to rape her, and Popeye commits a grave act of assault and battery usually accompanied by massive damage to public property.

As it stands, I’ve watched one exploring his theme song and one dealing with his wacky nephews, but I think my luck is about to change with “The Crystal Brawl”.

A few moments in we’re already dealing with a fairly typical Popeye setup, wherein he delivers flowers to Olive Oyl. He does a soft shoe and punches the doorbell with his foot to show just how jazzed up with anticipation he is. No more than a few seconds later Bluto is already cock-blocking him, using a tree branch to hook his shirt and fling him away from the building.

“He had a date and he asked me to take you to the fair,” is Bluto’s excuse for showing up in place of Popeye. Olive Oyl being Olive Oyl; she completely believes this. It’s sad that as the only major female figure from the golden  age of cartoons is dumb as a box of rocks that keeps failing it’s G.E.D. exam.

Seeing as this is going to be a clip show compilation of two existing Popeye cartoons, now is as good a time as any to make a few basic Popeye observations so I know not to make them ever again unless the occurrence is unusual in severity:

1.As previously touched on, Olive Oyl is quite possibly the dumbest woman ever written.
2.Olive Oyl is also one of the most sexist caricatures of female behavior.
3.Popeye is clearly codependent for his skinny-armed love interest. Epic poems are fueled by less passion than he has for this stupid, mentally unstable stick figure.
4.Bluto is a rapist.
5.The problem will be solved with extreme violence.

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Cartoon Hell #17 – “Quack A Doodle Doo”

March 14, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

The only Doodle you can count on!

The only Doodle you can count on!

This review was immensely easy to put off. Certain entries in Cartoon Hell I look forward to, sometimes because they involve a character who I actually watched in my youth and sometimes because it’s a damn easy target. “Quack A Doodle Doo,” brings neither of these things to the table, and instead brings a symbol of childhood revulsion I’d all but forgotten about.

Does this image excite anyone?

Does this image excite anyone?

That’s right, Baby God-damn Huey. Even as a child these cartoons evoked a weirdly strong sense of offense. They combine two of the ultimate shitty cheap shots of asshole humor, fat jokes and retard jokes. When you have a cartoon running less than ten minutes and your set up involves Baby Huey, it’s guaranteed to please the assholes in the crowd.

I’m going to break this down into fat jokes, and retard jokes, and along the way we’ll see if there’s an actual gag anywhere in this production’s runtime unrelated to either once Huey hits the scene.

The unnamed mother duck of Baby Huey sits in a small duck house covered in cobwebs in an attempt to suggest that this duck is suffering from some sort of depression in the absence of a child. To help with the childlessness she takes an entire bottle of pills, possibly to end her suffering. What she didn’t factor in is how difficult it is to overdose on once-a-day vitamins.

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