Archive for the ‘Popeye’ Category

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Cartoon Hell #35 – “Private Eye Popeye”

January 25, 2010

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Sounds like an affliction the elderly would get.

You can only make so many Popeye cartoons where he loses Olive Oyl to Bluto, then beats Bluto into a coma. Sometimes changing the setting isn’t enough. Eventually they had to give him actual occupations beyond being a sailor who did no actual sailing.

 Why, in the mid-fifties, with hard-boiled fiction and movies at a high rate of popularity, did they decide to dress up Popeye as Sherlock Holmes for his detective outing? Did they not think people would realize he was a detective if he simply wore a Sam Spade costume? It speaks to the general cluelessness of the Fleischers as a whole. 

I guess with a squint that prominent a magnifying glass might be useful.

Popeye receives a scream via phone, and traces the call by following the wire using a magnifying glass, because this cartoon is intent on using the laziest visual shorthand for everything. 

He follows telephone line to a fabulous home, one suspiciously similar to the nice home in every Fleischer cartoon, finding the door left ajar. He of course enters. At this point I’m completely unsold on the whole premise. Why is a man trained as a sailor doing any of this? An alternate theory comes to mind, if you’ll indulge me for a moment.

 Maybe Popeye is a infant with progeria acting out his fantasies? All this behavior would make perfect sense if done by a five year old. Of course a little kid would think detectives still dress like Sherlock Holmes. He’d also think a magnifying glass was the most important tool for a private investigator, and that the hat is a requirement. 

Sadly, this theory doesn’t change what Popeye actually is. Once he goes through the door, a crazed Olive Oyl opens fire with a Tommy Gun, creating a Popeye-shaped outline of bullets. This is one of those gags where I stop for a moment and ask, “Was this ever funny?” Maybe it’s like that chicken crossing the road gag, where it’s never evoked laughter, but always comes so easily that hacks can’t resist. 
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Cartoon Hell #15 – “Me Musical Nephews”

February 22, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

I'm I nuts or does Popeye have the grammar of a leprechaun?

Am I nuts or does Popeye have the grammar of a leprechaun?

Cartoons often take plagiarism to a high art. If one company succeeds with a cartoon mouse, everyone else will make mascots that resemble him as closely as the law allows.

I mention this because in later years Popeye took care of a cluster of Nephews all resembling miniature versions of himself. Named Peepeye, Poopeye, Pipeye, and Pupeye, these are children destined to learn Popeye’s fighting methods simply to deal with the school yard taunts. Pipeye and Pupeye are borderline, but Jesus Christ, Poopeye? That sounds like a mystery ailment diagnosed on, “House,”, not the name of a human being.

Since anyone reading this is probably at least somewhat acclimated with cartoon history, I won’t belabor the fact that this scenario involves a sailor with nephews who physically resemble him. I respect your intelligence too much.

They look more like dwarves than children.

They look more like dwarves than children.

In “Me Musical Nephews” Popeye is attempting to drift off to sleep while his nephews practice what  looks like an impromptu ragtime band performance. Whenever Popeye succeeds in drifting off to sleep, they break out into some improvised jazz, because if there’s one thing Popeye can’t stand it’s a jazz man.

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Cartoon Hell #5 – “Let’s Sing With Popeye”

January 23, 2008

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Let’s not…

Being the neurotic I am, I couldn’t help but realize that 150 cartoons presents some odd organizational challenges. Unfortunately this epiphany resulted in my scanning through 150 by-in-large awful looking cartoons cataloging their title, disc location, and star.

There were two annoying things I discovered overall:

  1. There’s a metric ass-load of Popeye cartoons on this damn thing.

  2. There’s roughly half a metric ass-load of Betty Boop related shorts.

So in order for this to not devolve into the Betty Boop and Popeye comedy hour, I’m going to do a Betty Boop or Popeye cartoon on every multiple of five. You have been warned.

Popeye appears to be trapped in an awful afterlife the Greek’s like to torture the sadistically violent with. In his eternal torment, he’s also forced to rescue a stupid baby or an equally stupid 50 pound woman from a 400 pound bearded rapist every day. Occasionally, when this grows boring, he’s harassed by nephews that appear to be a shameless rip off of Donald Duck’s next of kin.

If my review seems a bit heavy on the details, it’s because I feel like I can take my time. And you know why? It’s because “Let’s Sing With Popeye” clocks in at under 2 minutes! This tiny little clip qualifies as one of the 150 shorts touted in the title. There are hundreds of old Popeye cartoons, as well as thousands of crappy full length cartoons they could have acquired instead of this music video for Popeye’s shitty anthem.

It’s also the first Popeye cartoon on the collection, so for some trailer-damned Wal-Mart orphan this is going to be their introduction to the grizzled, seafaring bastard. A part of me thinks that’s fitting, but I also think it leaves them ignorant of the terrible content to come.

We begin with Popey strutting along the deck advising you that he is indeed Popeye the Sailor Man. Much like a Top 10 Hip Hop artist, he has to regularly remind you in song who he is lest you bitches forget.

All will be punched!

While singing, Popeye struts up to an anchor and punches it into fish hooks. Clearly he doesn’t think the ship will ever need to come to a stop or remain stationary. I imagine someone else had to inform the captain that there would now be a need to string together several thousand hooks if they ever want to get off the ship.

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