Archive for June, 2009


Cartoon Hell #25 – “The Crystal Brawl”

June 22, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

It's not nice to punch gypsies.

It's not nice to punch gypsies.

So far I’ve managed to avoid any Popeye cartoon that fit the classical mold, wherein Popeye and Olive decide to do an activity, Bluto woos Olive Oil away, then attempts to rape her, and Popeye commits a grave act of assault and battery usually accompanied by massive damage to public property.

As it stands, I’ve watched one exploring his theme song and one dealing with his wacky nephews, but I think my luck is about to change with “The Crystal Brawl”.

A few moments in we’re already dealing with a fairly typical Popeye setup, wherein he delivers flowers to Olive Oyl. He does a soft shoe and punches the doorbell with his foot to show just how jazzed up with anticipation he is. No more than a few seconds later Bluto is already cock-blocking him, using a tree branch to hook his shirt and fling him away from the building.

“He had a date and he asked me to take you to the fair,” is Bluto’s excuse for showing up in place of Popeye. Olive Oyl being Olive Oyl; she completely believes this. It’s sad that as the only major female figure from the golden  age of cartoons is dumb as a box of rocks that keeps failing it’s G.E.D. exam.

Seeing as this is going to be a clip show compilation of two existing Popeye cartoons, now is as good a time as any to make a few basic Popeye observations so I know not to make them ever again unless the occurrence is unusual in severity:

1.As previously touched on, Olive Oyl is quite possibly the dumbest woman ever written.
2.Olive Oyl is also one of the most sexist caricatures of female behavior.
3.Popeye is clearly codependent for his skinny-armed love interest. Epic poems are fueled by less passion than he has for this stupid, mentally unstable stick figure.
4.Bluto is a rapist.
5.The problem will be solved with extreme violence.

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