Archive for April, 2009

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Cartoon Hell #24 – “Little Brown Jug”

April 24, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

The big brown jug killed many.

The big brown jug killed many.

My involuntary response to hearing the phrase, “Little Brown Jug,” is, “Heeheehee, hohoho.” It drives me bat-shit, but it’s the inescapable side effect of being raised around folk music. Since this is another “Sing Song” production I assume it will lull me into believing it’s an ordinary cartoon and end up with a bouncing ball hopping over lyrics. Sneaky devils.

The film starts off near an old saw mill where a procession of beavers bounce what appear to be red balls. I can’t stand to see beavers slacking off when there’s work to be done, it angries me up something fierce. When it’s revealed in a later shot that they’re collecting apples my anger lowers but my confusion increases. Why are beavers collecting fruit? And what does any of this have to do with jugs that are both brown and little?

Truly, unironically unsettling.

Truly, unironically unsettling.

When a small beaver can’t manage to slap an apple out of a tree, he decides to get devious about it and returns with a fan. The blast of air reveals the tree’s hideous, weathered Ent-Face, and he drops apples as he hugs himself for warmth. His craggy face is now burned into the back of my brain. It really was needlessly creepy.

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Cartoon Hell #23 – “Crazytown”

April 19, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Because Schizophrenaport was taken.

Because Schizophrenaport was taken.

As a warning, this is in no way a discussion of the one-hit-wonder Crazytown, or their song, “Butterfly”. For that there’s no better explanation of their fall from grace than to look up, “Hurt You So Bad” on Youtube. I’m half tempted to start quoting lyrics, but that would be a digression on top of a digression.

Crazy is a troublesome adjective. Normally when anyone refers to themselves as “crazy” it’s really just affectation code for “annoying”.

Whoa ho, they're all on goofballs!

Whoa ho, they're all on goofballs!

The first shot of Crazytown plays to my suspicions. The sight of people walking on the streets and cars driving on the sidewalk screams, “Oh my, how harmlessly zany!” I fear the levels of wackiness will only increase.

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Cartoon Hell #22 – “Professor Yaya’s Memoirs”

April 13, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

No, it is not a sisterhood of any sort.

No, it is not a sisterhood of any sort.

That’s right, we’re moving on from obscure shit like Popeye and Betty Boop to the real stars of yesteryear. That’s right, the Hoffnung!

Yeah, I hadn’t heard of them previously either. The instrument wearing the hat who introduces the cartoon didn’t jog my memory. According to the title card they are, “Based on Books,” which is pretty awesome. I like books, heck I have a Goodreads account and I’m one of the five people that actually write reviews there. It’s literary grounding assures us of a superior viewing experience.

This sexy action-packed excitement can all be yours!

This sexy action-packed excitement can all be yours!

It begins the way all fast-paced cartoons should begin, with an old man napping peacefully. The action heats up when the old man receives a note. A simple card states, “Happy Birthday, The Family.” It’s good to establish the mafia connections up front.

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Cartoon Hell #21 – “Jingles”

April 5, 2009

Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.

Maybe it should end with, "...in Color?"

Maybe it should end with, "...in Color?"

There are a few things immediately wrong with “Jingles”, A Musical Sketch in Color. Let’s work from least obvious backwards. Firstly, there’s Christmas music playing, which never bodes well. Second, there is utterly nothing recognizable about the format. As much as I bitch about the Fleischer characters like Popeye and Betty Boop, it’s still nice to have a personality of some sort anchoring the whole thing. Lastly, I don’t think it’s a good start when the title card lies to me, because this bitch is monochrome.

It’s a film by Sy Young, and it all has the amateur feel of something cobbled together in some lightless place in the world where orphans of the Great War euthanize elderly circus animals. The warbly music combines with that effect to make me concerned that I’m watching some old Edison snuff film thrown into the collection because it cost nothing in royalties.

Eskimo law actually requires this.

Eskimo law actually requires this.

Two eskimos turn a crank at the top of the world and a old style traffic sign smacks the sun. Whatever my expectations were, they’ve been defied. The sun starts a locomotive, and every single part twists into a character when it moves. There’s a shot from the trains perspective as it moves through the hillside towards a tunnel that’s eerily well animated, to the point where I felt a little unnerved.

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