Cartoon Hell is TheKarpuk’s attempt to review every single installment in an awful $5 collection called “150 Classic Cartoons” purchased at his local Wal-Mart. Your prayers are welcome.
After completing my first entry for Cartoon Hell I discovered that watching the entirety of “150 Cartoon Classics” in order was going to present some problems both for me and for the reader. As it turns out, all cartoons of the same franchise are played back to back in this collection, so if I was to review them in order, you’d have about the wacky, bouncing, jazzy adventures of Tom and Jerry (that’s right, still neither cat nor mouse) for about 4 or 5 installments, and frankly if I watched that many back to back I’d start bouncing to the rhythm in my daily life unconsciously.
So I’m going to start skipping around, seeing where whimsy and the information on the back of the box takes me. I flipped over the case and scanned the titles, and the first one that caught my eye was “Ali Baba”. When I popped this gem in, I was shocked, SHOCKED to find out that they’d shortened the title to fit in their limited text space. The title is “Mr. Piper and the story of Ali Baba”. Who is Mr. Piper, and what was his involvement in this classic tale?
The first sounds you hear on this cartoon are the whimsical sounds of a deep baritone singing: “Come with me, come and see, all the wonders there will be…” Searching through other titles in the same area of the DVD, I found out that there are several titles that also start with “Mr. Piper and the….”, so odds are I’m going to be able to sing this god damn song verbatim, and I intend to at every opportunity.
When we finally get sight of our titular Mr. Piper, the word that pops into my head like a shotgun blast is “corpulent”. He just puts me on edge. I don’t want to make any wide sweeping presumptions about grown men who wear pied piper outfits and lure children in with songs, but he seems like someone who’d refuse to give a straight answer when asked why he needs the darkest window tint possible on his cargo van.
He lip sings along with the theme song, but when they cut to him using his own voice, it’s clear that this weasel-voiced man is not responsible for the dulcet tones of the intro. I may have to do some wiki-research later, because I think he’s lurking somewhere in Louie Anderson’s family tree.